“I felt like, 'Am I good enough to be a mom?'” she admits in a new interview.
Gigi Hadid is mom to her nine-month-old daughter, Khai. You wouldn't know it scrolling through her Instagram of adorable baby snaps, but she had a lot of anxiety about being a first-time mom. And she opened up about this in a new Harper's Bazaar cover story.
"During my pregnancy, I had one journal that I called my good journal and one journal that I called my bad journal. They weren’t that literal, but one was more for the memories, for Khai," Hadid explains about how she coped with her anxiety during her pregnancy. "Maybe one day I’ll give her the bad journal just to be real about it. [It has my] anxieties and days where I felt like, 'Am I good enough to be a mom?' I didn’t want to feel guilty about feeling those things or writing those things down. I just liked the separation."
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The model says that journaling was one of her main hobbies while being pregnant during the COVID-19 pandemic. "I also have sketch pads where I’ll watercolor-sketch, and sometimes I end up writing there too. I write on the back of receipts and keep those in a notebook," she says. "I’m not particular about it, and my journals are everywhere around the house. I just pick up whichever one is closest to me and write."
Gigi Hadid admits that quarantine wasn't the first time she dabbled creatively with a variety of hobbies. "I deal with a lot of things through just sitting and thinking and writing," she adds. "People made jokes when COVID hit, like, 'Oh, Gigi, you’ve been practicing quarantine for years now,' because when I had a few days off, I would drive to the farm from the city and be with myself in my little cabin, making a resin chair or drying flowers."
This story originally appeared on: Glamour - Author:Condé Nast